i will start this out by going right ahead and saying it- CHOPPING MALL is a total blast of a movie. right down to its amazing cover art and ridiculous title, you know youre in for a fun ride when you put it in and hit play. the cover art is actually somewhat deceiving though. from the looks of it, youre in for an actual slasher flick with some kind of a cyborg styled robot as the antagonist, and this idea is only secured with the title of "CHOPPING" MALL. in reality, the movie is like a mix of slasher and sci-fi/action with the "slasher" being 3 bulky looking robots that resemble Johnny-5 from SHORT CIRCUIT. also, there is no actual "chopping" in the movie whatsoever. this is due to the fact that the original script was changed from teenagers on the run from a slasher in the mall to teenagers on the run from robots in the mall, and it was re-named from KILL-BOTS to CHOPPING MALL during its production (which im guessing was to keep it from venturing off too much into the sci-fi/action realm). usually this would spell out disaster for a movie, but CHOPPING MALL withstood all the turnarounds and came out one campy and fun movie.the park plaza mall has just been introduced to the future of mall security, the Protector: series 101. these state-of-the-art machines not only act as standard night watchmen, but if met with a security breach, they are fully able to subdue any would be robber or bad guy with their highly effective "sleep darts". as bad luck would have it, a bad storm is rolling through the area during the robots first night on the job. a freak lightning strike hits the mall which ends up disrupting the robots computer mainframe. these machines that were once known as "protectors" have now gone haywire and have transformed into dangerous KILL-BOTS!
on this very night we are also introduced to a handful of mall employees who have an after-hours party planned to take place after the mall closes. why anyone would want to stay at their jobs to party is beyond me, but youre not supposed to think about these obvious things when youre watching a movie like this. the characters in CHOPPING MALL are all stereotypes from this time-period. the guys are all handsome, gum chomping, party animals, and the girls are all big haired sex-pots ready to give it up anytime and anywhere (even on the beds in the mattress store!). its not but a few minutes after the sex scenes ensue that the kill-bots begin to make a name for themselves. in a barrage of throat slashings and laser blastings our mall employee party-goers are now on the run, looking for a means of escape and a way to defeat these robotic killers.
from here on out the guys and girls get split up and each have their semi-futile chances at destroying the kill-bots while being picked off themselves, one by one. the women have home-made gas can bombs to defend themselves with, while the guys picked up some superior firepower themselves, which should leave you wondering if sporting goods stores back then actually sold high-powered M-16 assault rifles (i highly doubt it.). this is where the more action/slasher part of the movie kicks in. the bad dialogue and overly cheesy one-liners float somewhere between the best and worst action movies you have seen. the frantic mall employees rattle off on banter filled with forced fortitude, and our kill-bots catch-phrase themselves after every kill by saying "thank you, have a nice day" in that standard deep monotone robot voice. and, i dare you to keep a straight face when you hear one of the guys say "let's send these fuckers a rambo-gram". as the movie makes its way towards its climactic and explosion-ridden end, unlikely heroes are made and the weak are weeded out by way of a neon-pink laser blast from the cyclopean eye of the kill-bots.
as i said before, CHOPPING MALL is a fun later-day-slasher experience filled with cheap thrills and such head-slappingly bad lines as- "...im sorry, i guess im not used to being chased through a mall by killer robots" (you dont say!?). and, i cant forget to mention a particularly awesome exploding head sequence. it has a relatively short running time, so you never find yourself feeling like the movie is dragging on and getting boring. plus, if the ridiculous acting and dialogue doesnt grab you, there are enough loud explosions and rapid gunfire to keep you wide-eyed and attentive. the vintage 80's mall as a background is also a nice touch and fulfills any nostalgic fixes you may need. the movie doesnt take itself too seriously so i definitely suggest this one if you need to blow some time and have a good laugh.
BODYCOUNT- 9
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